{"id":658,"date":"2026-09-12T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-09-12T11:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thewolfslair.online\/cms\/?p=658"},"modified":"2026-09-11T06:52:31","modified_gmt":"2026-09-11T06:52:31","slug":"apparently-the-programme-is-more-of-a-guideline","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thewolfslair.online\/cms\/apparently-the-programme-is-more-of-a-guideline\/","title":{"rendered":"Apparently the Programme Is More of a Guideline"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Apparently the Programme Is More of a Guideline<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Day 4.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And apparently today I discovered that the exercise programme I so painstakingly designed for myself is…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

more of a guideline.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because somehow I managed to miss a few things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two exercises I deliberately changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One I genuinely somehow missed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the last one?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I purposely ignored it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t think I need to explain which one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all know.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’ll get to that little bastard later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wait… I Ate Breakfast?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We also added another meal to my daily eating plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Breakfast.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For those who know me, you’ll understand what a significant development this is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am NOT an early-morning eater.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, one of my ex-colleagues can confirm that there were days when she literally had to remind me to eat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or drink water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I become so engrossed in whatever task I’m busy with that apparently my body’s basic survival requirements become optional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Food?”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Water?”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You’ve been sitting there for six hours.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, but LOOK HOW MUCH I GOT DONE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I digress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apparently we’re eating breakfast now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And honestly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It wasn’t half bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today’s Menu<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Breakfast was granola, Greek yoghurt and strawberries, accompanied by a delicious cup of orange, chamomile and rooibos tea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No milk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No sugar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tea bag left in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere, a member of posh society just dropped their fine china in horror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like my tea the way I like my life:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strong, slightly strange and with absolutely no regard for established etiquette.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lunch was my usual chicken and spinach salad \u2014 yes, we’re still working through that spinach \u2014 followed by a crisp Granny Smith apple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My absolute favourite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gym time.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today’s Programme<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The programme \u2014 which, again, I WROTE \u2014 called for:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Warm-up:<\/strong> brisk incline walk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get the heart pumping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get the legs loose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Convince the body we’re doing this voluntarily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leg press \u2014 2 sets of 10. \u2714\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seated row \u2014 2 sets of 10. \u2714\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chest press \u2014 2 sets of 10. \u2714\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hamstring curl \u2014 2 sets of 10.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shit.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That one I genuinely missed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t deliberately avoid it. I only noticed when I sat down later to review my day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, officially:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hamstring curl \u2014 \u274c Lost in transit.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then we reached the next two exercises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked at them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They looked at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Not today, Satan.”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apparently I Am Now Negotiating With My Own Programme<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

First up was the dumbbell Romanian deadlift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, I decided on a wide-grip lat pulldown to give my upper body some attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then came lateral lunges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I swapped those for reverse-grip lat pulldowns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And before anyone climbs onto their high horse and starts galloping toward the comments section…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I KNOW.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know I should follow the programme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know I wrote the programme that way for a reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I had only JUST started enjoying having functional legs again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’d recently repaired our relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was trust developing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why would I ruin that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So instead, I gave my upper body some extra attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That’s my story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m sticking to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Then There Was The Plank<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do we even need this section anymore?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know how it went.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know how it went.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The mat knows how it went.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nothing happened.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

At this point I think the plank has stopped being part of my exercise programme and has become a psychological experiment.<\/p>How long can one woman avoid approximately 30 seconds of discomfort?<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Apparently…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At least four days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

But My Body Had Another Surprise<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The brain fog and fatigue were still VERY present today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, yesterday I said I couldn’t necessarily blame PCOS because I’d only had around 4.5 hours of sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apparently I owe PCOS an apology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SURPRISE!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tannie Flo arrived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Six.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Early.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now normally I would speak about this situation with slightly more dignity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who arrives uninvited SIX DAYS EARLY?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No phone call.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No WhatsApp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No calendar invitation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“HI! I’M HERE!”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fantastic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once again my body has decided it will operate according to its own schedule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apparently I’m merely here for administrative support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Current score:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uterus: 1<\/strong>
Me: 0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now We’re Playing “What’s Causing That Pain?”<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I’m currently sitting here trying to determine whether the lower-back pain I’m feeling is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A)<\/strong> period-related<\/p>\n\n\n\n

or<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B)<\/strong> today’s workout already introducing itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m secretly hoping for option A.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because that generally means a day or so of discomfort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Option B means tomorrow I’ll bend down to pick something up and discover muscles I didn’t know existed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there IS some good news.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO PIMPLES!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thank my face and pores for being the only members of my body currently treating me with some degree of respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Big up, guys. \u2764\ufe0f<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep up the excellent work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tonight, We Sulk<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

So here I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cuddled up with my second-favourite dog at the moment<\/strong>, having some much-needed me time and feeling just a tiny bit sorry for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And AGAIN…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before anyone gets back onto those high horses:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I LOVE ALL MY DOGS.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They simply rotate through the rankings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some days you’re number one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some days you eat something you shouldn’t, bark at absolutely nothing for 45 minutes, steal food, destroy something or generally piss me off…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And suddenly you’re fourth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That’s family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Day 4: Successful-ish \u2764\ufe0f<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Was the programme followed perfectly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did I miss an exercise?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did I deliberately replace two others?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did I plank?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don’t be ridiculous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But did I show up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did I move my body?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did I eat well?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did I make another tiny deposit into this whole trying-to-look-after-myself-again<\/em> thing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I’m counting it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Day 4: Done. Sorta.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And to everyone who has been following along with this little adventure…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you. \u2764\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope somewhere along the way I’ve made you laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe even laugh hard enough that you nearly wet your pants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because let’s face it…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At this stage of life, a REALLY good laugh isn’t just funny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s cardio.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’re laughing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’re clenching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’re calculating the distance to the nearest toilet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apparently, We’re Doing This. \u2764\ufe0f<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Programme: loosely interpreted.<\/em>
Legs: spared… mostly.<\/em>
Brain: still buffering.<\/em>
Uterus: making executive decisions without approval.<\/em>
Face: employee of the month.<\/em>
Dog rankings: subject to daily review.<\/em>
Plank: Day 4 and still undefeated.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Apparently the Programme Is More of a Guideline Day 4. 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