Day 9 & 10:
First things first…
I have to humbly apologise.
I didn’t post yesterday.
I know, I know.
Consistency is key.
I’ve literally been banging on about showing up, sticking with it and doing the thing even when you don’t particularly feel like doing the thing…
And then yesterday?
Nothing.
Not a peep from me.
But here’s the thing.
I was absolutely shattered mentally.
Not physically tired in the “ooh, I could use a nap” kind of way.
More like my brain had packed a little suitcase, switched off the lights and left an Out of Office saying:
“Good luck. Figure it out yourselves.”
And I could’ve forced myself to write something purely for the sake of saying I’d posted.
But honestly?
It probably would’ve made absolutely no fucking sense and added very little value.
So I didn’t.
And maybe consistency doesn’t have to mean doing everything perfectly every single day.
Maybe it also means knowing when you’re running on empty, taking the rest, and then coming back.
Because I’m back.
Admittedly my brain is still only operating on approximately 14% battery…
But we’re here. 
And today wasn’t much better…
The mental fatigue and brain fog are apparently the flavour of the week.
I’m absolutely mentally drained.
BUT…
Somehow, despite feeling like my brain had been replaced by mashed potato, I had an amazing cardio session yesterday.
Headphones in.
World out.
And I just walked.
And walked.
And sweated.
And walked some more.
At one point I’m fairly certain my lungs were trying to leave my body.
Not dramatically either.
They weren’t trying to escape the gym.
They just wanted to jump out of my chest, walk over to the recumbent bike, sit down and say:
“You carry on. We’ll wait here.”
But I kept going.
And I finished.
There was something strangely therapeutic about it.
No overthinking.
No trying to solve anything.
Just headphones, movement, sweat and breathing like I’d recently been chased by a lion.
Cardio: DONE.
And apparently I’m learning what “full” feels like.
I’ve also managed to stick to my eating plan.
Although I’m starting to notice something interesting.
Some days, I don’t actually eat everything I’ve planned.
Last night, for example, supper was supposed to be chicken schnitzel, mushrooms and sweet potato fries.
I ate the schnitzel.
I ate the mushrooms.
And then…
I was full.
So I didn’t eat the fries.
Today I packed my lunch bag, had my breakfast, and took the leftover schnitzel and those same sweet potato fries to work.
And guess what came home again?
The fucking fries.
Do I have something against sweet potato fries?
Absolutely not.
I LOVE THEM.
They have done nothing wrong.
There is no feud.
I just… wasn’t hungry.
I was full.
And I’m starting to realise that this whole journey isn’t only about what I’m eating.
It’s also about actually paying attention to my body instead of eating something simply because it’s there and I planned to eat it.
The fries will live to see another day.
Godspeed, little orange soldiers.
Meanwhile, Tannie Flo is packing her bags…
It appears Tannie Flo has finally decided that her little holiday at my house is coming to an end.
Thank fuck.
Unfortunately, she seems to have left some friends behind.
Pimples.
More of them.
Because apparently the ones from Day 8 felt lonely and called reinforcements.
And here I was thinking pimples were something we left behind with adolescence.
Apparently not.
Thirty-five-year-old me would like to formally request a refund.
If I am going to get teenage skin, I’d at least like teenage knees to go with it.
Seems fair.
Speaking of my knees… and calves…
Here’s a little side quest nobody had scheduled into the programme.
Monday: Leg day.
Tuesday: Cardio.
Then this morning, I hear the garbage truck.
And realise…
SHIT.
I’d missed them.
By less than a minute.
I literally saw the truck driving past, while holding the bags.
So apparently my morning workout became:
GARBAGE TRUCK INTERVAL SPRINTS.
There I am chasing after this bloody truck, desperately hoping they’ll still collect our bags.
And my calves?
My calves remembered everything I’d done to them over the previous two days.
They were not interested in this bonus session.
They died.
I think they’re actually still dying.
Because boy…
They are EINA.
Forget hockey conditioning.
Apparently all I needed was municipal refuse collection.
Nothing motivates a person to discover their remaining athletic ability quite like watching the garbage truck disappear down the road while clutching your bags.
And now we hide.
So here I am.
In bed.
Hiding.
Because my children are currently eating cupcakes after supper.
And I know myself.
I know the state of my brain.
I know the level of fatigue we’re dealing with.
And at this particular moment, if I walk anywhere near those cupcakes, there is a very real possibility I will stuff my face with whatever is left.
So instead…
I have removed myself from the situation.
Can’t eat the cupcake if you’re hiding from the cupcake.
Modern problems require modern solutions.
And you know what?
I’m okay with that.
I’m still here.
The last couple of days haven’t been particularly exciting.
There haven’t been huge breakthroughs.
I haven’t suddenly transformed into one of those people who jumps out of bed at 5am screaming:
“LET’S GOOOOO!”
Absolutely fucking not.
I’ve been mentally exhausted.
My brain has been foggy.
My calves are filing for workers’ compensation.
My face has apparently entered its second adolescence.
I missed a post.
And today I’m hiding from baked goods in my own bedroom.
But…
I’m still here.
I still trained.
I still made choices I’m happy with.
I listened when my body said it was full.
I enjoyed my rest day without deciding I’d somehow “failed.”
And when I didn’t have the mental capacity to write yesterday, I didn’t force myself to produce something just so I could tick a box.
Because maybe that’s part of this too.
Consistency isn’t never missing a day.
It’s not disappearing completely because you missed one.
So…
Days 9 & 10: DONE. 
Brain: buffering.
Fatigue: showing off.
Cardio: absolutely smashed it.
Lungs: requested transfer to the recumbent bike.
Sweet potato fries: rejected twice through no fault of their own.
Tannie Flo: finally packing her shit.
Pimples: apparently staying behind as squatters.
Calves: EINA.
Garbage truck: unexpected personal trainer.
Cupcakes: currently under strict avoidance protocols.
Me: hiding in bed, but still fucking doing this.
Tomorrow?
Upper body.
My arms currently have no idea what’s coming.
And frankly…
I’d like to keep it that way.
Progress, not perfection. 
Apparently, we’re still doing this.
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