Apparently the Programme Is More of a Guideline
Day 4.
And apparently today I discovered that the exercise programme I so painstakingly designed for myself is…
more of a guideline.
Because somehow I managed to miss a few things.
Two exercises I deliberately changed.
One I genuinely somehow missed.
And the last one?
I purposely ignored it.
I don’t think I need to explain which one.
We all know.
We’ll get to that little bastard later.
Wait… I Ate Breakfast?
We also added another meal to my daily eating plan.
Breakfast.
For those who know me, you’ll understand what a significant development this is.
I am NOT an early-morning eater.
In fact, one of my ex-colleagues can confirm that there were days when she literally had to remind me to eat.
Or drink water.
I become so engrossed in whatever task I’m busy with that apparently my body’s basic survival requirements become optional.
“Food?”
Later.
“Water?”
Eventually.
“You’ve been sitting there for six hours.”
Yes, but LOOK HOW MUCH I GOT DONE.
Anyway.
I digress.
Apparently we’re eating breakfast now.
And honestly?
It wasn’t half bad.
Today’s Menu
Breakfast was granola, Greek yoghurt and strawberries, accompanied by a delicious cup of orange, chamomile and rooibos tea.
No milk.
No sugar.
Tea bag left in.
Yes.
I know.
Somewhere, a member of posh society just dropped their fine china in horror.
I like my tea the way I like my life:
Strong, slightly strange and with absolutely no regard for established etiquette.
Lunch was my usual chicken and spinach salad — yes, we’re still working through that spinach — followed by a crisp Granny Smith apple.
My absolute favourite.
And then…
Gym time.
Today’s Programme
The programme — which, again, I WROTE — called for:
Warm-up: brisk incline walk.
Get the heart pumping.
Get the legs loose.
Convince the body we’re doing this voluntarily.
Then:
Leg press — 2 sets of 10. ✔️
Seated row — 2 sets of 10. ✔️
Chest press — 2 sets of 10. ✔️
Hamstring curl — 2 sets of 10.
…
Oh.
Shit.
That one I genuinely missed.
I didn’t deliberately avoid it. I only noticed when I sat down later to review my day.
So, officially:
Hamstring curl — ❌ Lost in transit.
Then we reached the next two exercises.
I looked at them.
They looked at me.
And I said:
“Not today, Satan.”
Apparently I Am Now Negotiating With My Own Programme
First up was the dumbbell Romanian deadlift.
No.
Instead, I decided on a wide-grip lat pulldown to give my upper body some attention.
Then came lateral lunges.
Also no.
I swapped those for reverse-grip lat pulldowns.
And before anyone climbs onto their high horse and starts galloping toward the comments section…
I KNOW.
I know I should follow the programme.
I know I wrote the programme that way for a reason.
But I had only JUST started enjoying having functional legs again.
We’d recently repaired our relationship.
There was trust developing.
Why would I ruin that?
So instead, I gave my upper body some extra attention.
That’s my story.
I’m sticking to it.
And Then There Was The Plank
…
Do we even need this section anymore?
You know how it went.
I know how it went.
The mat knows how it went.
Nothing happened.
At this point I think the plank has stopped being part of my exercise programme and has become a psychological experiment.
How long can one woman avoid approximately 30 seconds of discomfort?
Apparently…
At least four days.
But My Body Had Another Surprise
The brain fog and fatigue were still VERY present today.
Now, yesterday I said I couldn’t necessarily blame PCOS because I’d only had around 4.5 hours of sleep.
Well.
Apparently I owe PCOS an apology.
Because…
SURPRISE!
Tannie Flo arrived.
Six.
Days.
Early.
Now normally I would speak about this situation with slightly more dignity.
But seriously.
Who arrives uninvited SIX DAYS EARLY?
No phone call.
No WhatsApp.
No calendar invitation.
Nothing.
Just:
“HI! I’M HERE!”
Fantastic.
Once again my body has decided it will operate according to its own schedule.
Apparently I’m merely here for administrative support.
Current score:
Uterus: 1
Me: 0
Now We’re Playing “What’s Causing That Pain?”
I’m currently sitting here trying to determine whether the lower-back pain I’m feeling is:
A) period-related
or
B) today’s workout already introducing itself.
I’m secretly hoping for option A.
Because that generally means a day or so of discomfort.
Option B means tomorrow I’ll bend down to pick something up and discover muscles I didn’t know existed.
Again.
But there IS some good news.
NO PIMPLES!
Nothing.
Nada.
So I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thank my face and pores for being the only members of my body currently treating me with some degree of respect.
Big up, guys. ❤️
Keep up the excellent work.
Tonight, We Sulk
So here I am.
In bed.
Cuddled up with my second-favourite dog at the moment, having some much-needed me time and feeling just a tiny bit sorry for myself.
And AGAIN…
Before anyone gets back onto those high horses:
I LOVE ALL MY DOGS.
They simply rotate through the rankings.
Some days you’re number one.
Some days you eat something you shouldn’t, bark at absolutely nothing for 45 minutes, steal food, destroy something or generally piss me off…
And suddenly you’re fourth.
That’s family.
Day 4: Successful-ish ❤️
Was the programme followed perfectly?
No.
Did I miss an exercise?
Yes.
Did I deliberately replace two others?
Also yes.
Did I plank?
Don’t be ridiculous.
But did I show up?
Yes.
Did I move my body?
Yes.
Did I eat well?
Yes.
Did I make another tiny deposit into this whole trying-to-look-after-myself-again thing?
Also yes.
So I’m counting it.
Day 4: Done. Sorta.
And to everyone who has been following along with this little adventure…
Thank you. ❤️
I hope somewhere along the way I’ve made you laugh.
Maybe even laugh hard enough that you nearly wet your pants.
Because let’s face it…
At this stage of life, a REALLY good laugh isn’t just funny.
It’s cardio.
You’re laughing.
You’re clenching.
You’re calculating the distance to the nearest toilet.
Apparently, We’re Doing This. ❤️
Programme: loosely interpreted.
Legs: spared… mostly.
Brain: still buffering.
Uterus: making executive decisions without approval.
Face: employee of the month.
Dog rankings: subject to daily review.
Plank: Day 4 and still undefeated.
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